Used to Loneliness
by rainbow-productions
Summary: Zexion, though not happy with his life, was used to it. Used to the loneliness that he pretended didn't bother him, until he meets Axel and everything changes- even the very person he thought himself to be. R&R! Warning: Physical Abuse, smexy gay time, AKUZEKU! COMPLETE until I get new ideas, PM me if you have any!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I HAVE to finish this one, not to worry people, because my cousin Mushrooms will bite my head off. xD I've worked hard on this so far, and I have a bit more written ahead so even if I'm allowed to slack of just a little, there will still be a few chapters ahead! :) I don't know where I'm going with this, either, so any tips on which direction to go are VERY welcome. I have the next few days, but after that, nope.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, but Axel, Dmyxe, Zexion and Roxas own me.

* * *

I'm already standing on a chair, and I still can't reach the stupid book. It's on the very top shelf, so it'd be hard for anyone, but even on the chair my fingers barely brush it.

I stretch up higher, feeling cool air brushing my stomach as my shirt comes un-tucked in the front. Still no luck, and the chair is starting to wobble. I hold onto a shelf with my free hand, and reach just a bit farther- and nearly fall backwards. I groan loudly, and Roxas- the little blond-haired librarian- shushes me. I give him a dirty look, then turn away.

I fix my slate-colored bangs back over my right, equally light eye, and look up once more. It's just a poetry book, but it's by my favorite author, Reality Sinclair.

I reach up once more, but again, I can only just brush the book with my fingertips. I'm about to give up my pride and go ask someone for help, when something presses against my back. I watch in stunned silence as a fairly long, pale arm extends over me, and takes the book from the shelf that I've been reaching for.

The intruder-of-my-personal-bubble steps back and I spin around. His eyes are the first the that catch my attention- besides his freakish skinniness and unbelievable height. Bright green, a piercing kind of green that makes me feel like he can read my thoughts- and I lower my eyes to the ground as I step down from the chair.

The other things I noticed, aside from his half-assed uniform, is his hair. Bright red, and spiked back in a crazy way. I wonder if it's naturally that red? He extends his arm, holding the book out to me. I take it, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Thank you." I manage, feeling the blood rush to my face. How embarrassing, having to thank someone for something I didn't ask for but needed anyway.

"No problem." He replies. I can hear the smirk in his voice as he goes on. "Poor you, probably always get the _short_ end of the stick, right?"

I glare at him, meeting his eyes for a split-second before looking away again. I spin around to walk away, but stop when he touches my shoulder. I look shrug his hand away, not facing him. "Don't touch me, please."  
"Sorry. What's your name?" He asks, and when I don't answer right away, he goes on. "I'm Axel. Got it memorized?"  
"How could I possibly forget the name of a stranger?" I reply sarcastically, and move to walk away again- and again, he stops me with a hand on my shoulder. This time I spin around and face him, forcing myself to look him in the eye. "Don't touch me." I've got a glare almost as deadly as Roxas, but not nearly as effective since I'm not known to do anything but glare and yell at people. The worst I've done is throw a book at someone, but I missed.

"Sorry, again." He holds up his hands in apology, but his grin never leaves his face. Under his eyes, there are two upside-down, black triangle tattoos. Who the hell gets a face tattoo? "What's your name?"

"...Ienzo."

He chuckles. "Why so formal? First name."  
Why does he even care? "Zexion."

"It's nice to meet you, Zexy." ...Zexy? "Why haven't I seen you around?"

To be honest, he probably has and just doesn't remember. I'm easily forgotten. "Why are you asking me?"

"I didn't know if you were a transfer. Why so _short_ tempered?" He asks, grinning.

If it hadn't been so much trouble just to get it, I'd hit him with the book. Instead, I just turn around and walk away, ignoring his calls.

…

Alone in my usual spot, near the back of the cafeteria, I'm reading the book. I love poetry. It's amazing, you can create illusions with words. Subtle messages with such few of the words. You can make anyone believe it's one thing, but it really isn't there at all.

I'm always alone at lunch. No exceptions, which is why when someone sits down across from me, I don't even know how to react. When I look up to see Axel from earlier, it only gets worse. I just stare at him, appalled.

"I know I'm hot and everything, but close your mouth, you'll catch flies." He says, smirking.

I close my mouth, glaring at the pages blankly. What does he want? Why is he bothering me? I almost want to ask him.

"When I said close your mouth, I didn't mean don't say anything at all." He says, propping his elbow on the table, and his chin on his hand. "Why so quiet?"

"What is there to say?" I ask quietly. Suddenly, I feel shy.

"Well, tell me, Zexy, what grade are you in?"

"12th. Thank god."

"Don't like school, eh?"

"Does anyone?"

"Aren't you a nerd? I thought nerds like school."

"I would have tested out when I was 16, but for personal reasons I found it more suitable to stay."

"And I don't suppose you'll tell me the reason?"

"No." I reply, setting the book aside. "What do you want?"

"Are you always this unfriendly, or are you just feeling a little _short_ today?"

I glare fiercely at him. "Fuck off."

"Don't like short jokes?" He grins, and suddenly, someone _else_ sits down next to him. What is this, Annoy Zexion Day?

Oh my god, it's- "You shouldn't worry about being short. Everyone gets made fun of for something, right? People tease me because- well, I'm not the sharpest crayon in the bucket. And Axel because his hair _is_ naturally red."  
Axel elbows Demyx hard, and the blond's eyes start to water. "Shut up."  
Demyx pouts, running his fingers through his freakishly weird mohawk/mullet. "I was just talking about his-" Another elbow in his side, and he gets the message. "Nevermind."

Axel rolls his eyes. "Anyway, short-stuff," I glare again, but he ignores it. "This girl, Larxene, is having a party tonight. You free?"

"No." I reply without hesitation.

"Well," Demyx pipes in, ignoring the fact that I'm ignoring him. "It stinks that you can't go because Larxene throws the best parties, because they're always at the pool, and there's nothing more fun than the pool at night because it's heated and even if she is a little scary-" He goes on, and I look at Axel.

"Why do you want me to go?" I demand suspiciously. "You don't even know me."  
"Because I need a date, and you're available."

"Why do you assume that?" I scowl at him angrily. "Because I'm unattractive? Or because-"

"Because you're unfriendly..." He states, suddenly looking serious. "You're not unattractive, do you really think so?" I just shrug, and he frowns. "Why? I think you're cute."  
"If all you wanted was to try and get me to go to a pool party, you can forget it."

His frown fades, but he doesn't smile again, instead looking kind of pissed. "Whatever, I was just trying to be friendly." I watch as he stands, and walks away.

Demyx had stopped talking, and now looks at me. "Why'd you do that?"

"Do what?" I scowl at him. "It was his fault, he wouldn't stop bothering me."

"He wasn't _trying_ to bother you, he liked you. You can tell when Axel likes someone, but not as easily as when Roxas likes someone. Roxas is my boyfriend, he-"

"How could he like me?" I cut him off. "He doesn't even know me, Dem." I pause. "And how do you know him?"

"He's my bestest friend except sometimes he gets really mad at me, but he likes you and you made him go away. That was really mean, even for you, Zex."

I roll my eyes. "He doesn't care, he looks like the type to only want in someone's pants."

"He would never do that to anyone, he only pretends to be a jerk, except when I make him really really mad, but otherwise he's really nice even if he teases you a lot. You really hurt his feelings though, being so mean to him."

I look past Demyx, across the cafeteria, until I see a mess of extremely red hair. His back is towards me, but he looks kind of slumped while everyone else at his table are talking and giddy. I see Roxas heading over, bright blue eyes shining when he sees Demyx, and I get up.

"Here comes your boyfriend." I state, striding past them both and towards Axel. Damn my conscience. It only comes into play at the worst possible times, and then convinces me to do something I really don't want to do, and makes me completely give up my pride. Why the hell I can't just act like an ass and not care like everyone else... I don't know.

I slide into the seat beside Axel, staring at the table. He doesn't even look at me, and the guilt I felt before doubles. Stupid-ass fucking conscience. "Axel."

He tilts his head a bit, looking at me, but doesn't turn to me and I don't look at him. "What's up?" He asks, his voice hard.

I guess, for once, I should have been friendlier. Do I even know how to be? "I'm sorry." He doesn't say anything, so I go on. "I'm not... Used to people talking to me."  
"With that attitude of yours, I'm not surprised." He replies, propping his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand as he looks at me.

I hold back the urge to glare. Apologize, remember? It's what you're here for. "Yeah... I'm sorry." I bite my lip, keeping my eyes down. "If you're still interested," I do my best to not sound like I would rather wound myself to avoid this. "I'd like to go to the party with you tonight."

"Don't you have plans?"

Actually, I did, but even a crowded party with a bunch of teenagers would be better then staying home again with Saix. "I did, but I can cancel." Even if he will be pissed off at me for it. "Where is it?"

"I'll come pick you up. Where do you live?"

"Do you know where Dem lives?" I ask, and he looks surprised.

"Yeah, I do. You know him?"

"He's my neighbor. Next door, in fact. I'm the house- well... My house fits my personality." I smile, amused by my own realization, and he looks pleased for some reason.

"I think I know which one you mean. I can be there at six, if that works." That still leaves me with almost two whole hours at home, unless Saix picks me up today, then I'd have about three. Axel seems to notice my dismay, and raises an eyebrow in question. God, his eyes are so... I can't stand to look at them, and I don't know why. "I can be there earlier. Or you can come with me after school to my house, whatever works for you."  
"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want me to go with you?"

"I don't know. I want to get to know you a little." He shrugs. "So, just come home with me after school?"

"That... If it's okay, that would be the best course of action." He laughs, and I scowl. "What?"

"It's not a business deal, it's hanging out with guys after school." Hanging out. Demyx said he likes me... And maybe I wanted him to like me, but that could have just meant he wanted to be my friend. I just assumed that he, too, is gay, and he probably isn't.

"Right..."

* * *

A/N: So, where should I go with this? What should the main conflict be, besides Zexy's little problem?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I hope you liked the previous chapter, because I worked really hard on this one too! Let me know what youthink, please! :)

* * *

Sure enough, after school, Axel is waiting on me in the parking lot, next to a black Infiniti G37. I only half-expected him to actually be there, and yet here he stands, in front of me. For some reason, I blush when he opens the door for me.

We're driving down the road, my black backpack in the back seat, windows down and radio blaring. I can't keep my hair the way I like it, and every time I try to fix it Axel chuckles- which is a hell of a lot more sexy than his laugh. And yes, even to myself, I admit that I think so.

"So how old are you, anyway, short-stuff?"

I scowl at the nickname, but choose to ignore it in the end. "I'm almost 18. And you?"

"Thirteen-thousand, nine-hundred and twenty-billion years."

"So funny I forgot to laugh."

"I'm 19." He grins. "Glad you have such a great sense of humor."

"I have a sense of humor."

"A bitter, angry, mean one?"

"If you're just going to insult me all night, I'll go home."

"I was just kidding, sweetheart." He grins, glancing at me.

"Oh..."

"So, tell me, why are you so against the rest of the world?" He asks, and I frown, turning my face away so he can't see it. "Or let me guess, you're not against the world, the world is against you."  
"No." I reply quietly. He rolls up the windows, and turns the radio down. I fix my hair. "It has nothing to do with the rest of the world. Everything else is just in the line of fire."  
"Are you really happy living like that?" I don't reply, so he goes on. " _'__We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.'_ You know who said that?"

"Buddha." I reply, facing him. "How do _you_ know that?"

"Failing a couple of grades doesn't mean I'm stupid. I just never saw the point in passing school, you know? It doesn't prove how smart you are, you could be the stupidest person in the universe, and still pass school. That doesn't make you smart- take Demyx for example."

I struggle, and fail, to hold back my smile of amusement. "That might be the smartest thing I've heard anyone say in months."  
"That's kind of sad." He replies, grinning. "Especially since it came from me."  
"What's wrong with it coming from you?"

"I never said I was smart, I just said it wasn't set-in-stone that I was stupid."

I roll my eyes. "Apparently, you're smarter then you think."

"Was that a compliment?" He asks, acting surprised. "Oh my goodness, I don't know how to react."

"Shut up." I mumble, keeping my eyes out the window.

…

His house is just as worn on the inside as it is on the outside. It's messy as hell, and I want to clean it up, because I can't stand for there to be messes like that _everywhere_. When I first go in, I just stand near the door awkwardly, until he takes me into the kitchen and pours two cups of coffee. He just assumes- rightly- that I like it black.

After that, he brings me upstairs, into his just-as-messy-as-the-rest-of-the-house bedroom. "I'll find you a swimsuit to wear, unless you happen to have one under your uniform."  
"I'm not going to swim." I state, not sure what to do with myself. There are clothes everywhere, most of them look clean. But even on the bed, there's a giant stack of clothes that he begins digging through.

"Yes you are, because even if I don't, somebody is going to throw you in the water." He smirks, and I scowl. "Why'd you agree to go, if you don't like swimming?" I just shrug. "You do know how to, right?" Again, I just shrug, feeling the blood rush to my face. He snorts. "You don't know how."  
"I can't know something I never learned, it's not my fault no one bothered to teach me." I cross my arms, leaning back against the wall. He's in front of me suddenly, a hand on my shoulder even though I've told him not to touch me.

"I can teach you. Not today, since there will be so many people, but sometime."

I don't reply, feeling my heart speed up as he moves closer to me, until he's only inches away. That means he's leaning down, since I'm so much shorter, and that it's intentional. Why? What does he want, or expect? I don't know how to react, and I can feel my face burning hot and I know I'm blushing. Why? I hate not knowing, and normally, I'd have stabbed someone for getting this close to me, and I haven't said a word but I don't know why.

"You look scared." He states, and I turn away.

"I don't get scared."  
"You need a swimsuit regardless," He says, suddenly pulling away. I get the urge to reach out and pull him back, but I don't. "And I've got a couple that might fit you."  
I watch him dig through his clothes until he pulls short, black swim-trunks out of the pile, and tosses them to me, and points me to the bathroom. I change, looking at myself in the mirror. I'm glad I wear a tank-top underneath my uniform, otherwise I wouldn't leave the bathroom like this. This might be the most revealing thing I've worn in a while.

I like to stay covered; if people can't see _me_ they can't see _inside_ me. And inside of me is a dark, fucked up place. My own brother made it that way.

When I leave the bathroom (after fixing my hair) Axel is already changed. No shirt, just red trunks, low on his hips. He's really toned. Not just thin, like me, but he has muscles, and a lot of them. I tear my eyes away, since he's probably not gay- and even if he was he probably wouldn't be interested in me- he wouldn't appreciate me checking him out.

He, however, is staring at me until he notices that I've caught him. He turns away and I follow him back to the living room, where he turns on the television. "What?" I demand, watching him flop down on the couch like a sack of potatoes.

"Nothing. Are you going to sit down, or just stand there? We've got a while before time to go."

I wordlessly sit down beside him, trying to ignore the fact that he's staring at me again. As time goes on, I keep noticing him looking at me, over and over and finally I turn to him. "What?" I demand angrily. "Why do you keep staring at me?"

"What happened to your arm?" He asks, and I look over my arms.

"What are you talking about?"

"Up here," I cringe, but nonetheless let him take hold of my arm, and turn it. Oh... On my upper arm, near my shoulder, there's a dark bruise. A really dark bruise. "What happened?"

"Oh. I fell coming down the stairs."

"You fell. On your shoulder."

"Yes." I pause. Someone else will notice, and if Saix somehow gets wind of where I'm going today, instead of having gone home, he'd be pissed to see that I'd let people see the bruise. "Do you have a t-shirt I could wear?"

"If you fell, you wouldn't need to hide it." He states, but even so rises and leaves the room. When he comes back, he tosses a t-shirt into my lap, and I pull it on over the tank top.

"Thank you." He's not as stupid as he seems, I guess. He isn't pressing me for information, but he let me know he knows I'm lying. Which is fine, as long as he doesn't keep asking questions.

We watch some stupid television shows for a while, both of us more wrapped up in thought than actually paying attention, until he stands up. I watch him stretch, unable to tear my eyes away from him toned body. When he meets my eyes, he grins, but doesn't say anything and I follow him silently out of the house and to his car. We drive down the road in silence, and I carefully track the direction from his house to the pool, the same way I did with getting from my house to his. It never hurts to know. And it turns out, not only do we live pretty close, but I actually pass his house on the way to the library.

Oh- shit! The library book! I checked it out and left it in the cafeteria! He seems to notice my dismay, and he looks at me in question. I shrug. "I forgot my book at school. I'll get it tomorrow."  
"Tomorrow's Saturday." He points out, and I groan. "I can take you to get it after the party, if you want." Break into school, for a book?

"No thank you. It's fine."

"Unless the janitor steals it Monday morning, before you get there, and it's all pinned on you. That would go on your record, you know." He's just teasing me, I can see it in his eyes, but it still gets on my nerves.

"The janitor probably doesn't even know how to read, and even if he did, what would he want with a poetry book?"

"What would you want with a poetry book?"

...The same thing as anyone else, I guess. Damn. "I doubt he'll steal it."

"Well, I break in after dark all the time, so if you change your mind it's no trouble." He smirks. I roll my eyes. I'm doing that a lot lately.

When we get to the pool, it's pretty crowded. Not a whole lot of people are actually in the water, most of them are in corners or at tables making out, others are dancing like idiots, or smoking something that I'm positive isn't cigarettes. I see Demyx and Roxas sitting together at a table, with two other people I recognize but don't know beyond class.

Riku and Sora. Sora, like Roxas, has some pretty funky hair, but it's dark brown and a different style. Riku has long, silver and straight hair, and they're 'together' together. Axel leads me over there, and sits down beside Demyx, pulling me down beside himself.

"Hey, Zex," The blond jumps forward almost immediately. "Axe. I'm glad you both came, but you missed it! Larxene threw Kairi in the pool because she wouldn't stop flirting with her boyfriend. Then she got out of the pool and tried to throw Larxene in, and Larxene got mad and made her leave."

"I'm sorry I missed it." I say sarcastically, and Axel snorts at my response.

"Aren't you just a bundle full of happiness."

"Shut up." I turn my face away from them all, looking at the pool instead. The sun is setting already, and it's getting darker, making the lit pool glimmer. It's actually very peaceful, if I ignore the idiots around it.

After a while, I feel a hand on mine, and I look down to see Axel's long fingers just barely touching mine. I meet his eyes, and his piercing gaze makes my face heat up. It's like he knows what I'm thinking and feeling, even when I don't. "Hey, sweetheart, are you always this quiet?" This is the second time he's called me sweetheart, I think. "Or is it just me? I tend to take people's breath away," He grins, and I scowl, moving to turn away but his hand rests on my cheek to keep me from it. "Really, are you okay?" Now it's all serious, and I find myself actually wanting to tell him _why_ I'm so unfriendly, and why I stayed in school when I could have easily tested out. And why I don't like for people to touch me, or like people in general.

But I can't. "I'm fine." I shrug.

"Do you want to get in the water?" I give him a look, so he adds, "We can stay in the shallow end, unless you think you're too short to for the three feet."

I try- but fail- to hold back a smile, and when he grins triumphantly, I let him pull me to the pool. When we get to the edge, I watch him sit down and then slide into the water. He then turns around, waiting expectantly. Slowly, I follow his lead. The water is warm, and comes up just above my hips.

"You're really cute when you're nervous." He states suddenly, and I blush, turning away.

"Shut up." He just called me cute. Well, technically he did it earlier, too, but that was different. It was because I said I wasn't, I figured he was just trying to make me feel better. Could he really think so, though? That's... Crazy.

"Mind if I tell people you're my date, short-stuff?" He asks, leaning against the edge of the pool.

My eyes widen, and I look at him in surprise. "Am I?"

"If you want to be. I didn't know if you swung for the same team or not." He grins. "I guess that's my answer."

"Y- Yeah..." I stammer, feeling stunned. "It's okay."

* * *

I wonder, is one disclaimer at the beginning of the story enough?

Well, just in case: I DO NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS, BUT THE SMEXIEST CHARACTERS OWN MY SOUL!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorreh for the oddness of divided chapters, I don't plan where to end them before I publish them. It's all just one long story. Anywho, please let me know what you think! Don't just favorite it or whatever. I'm already losing focus on thsi story, I need the help. And ideas of where to go with it! Please and thank you!

* * *

He smiles softly, his eyes shining somewhat as he moves closer to me. For some reason, it doesn't bother me even when he curls his fingers through mine, holding my hand under the water. I just let him, and I know it's weird because under no circumstances would I allow that with anyone else. It doesn't make any sense. The tingles that start from the hand he's holding, and radiate up are even more confusing, but I know it doesn't bother me and that it should.

"You know, Demyx is the one that told me to talk to you in the library."

"Really?" Demyx knows how to set people up?

"Sure did." He seems to understand my surprise. "I'm glad he did."  
"Why?" I ask, unable to keep the doubt from my voice.

"Because I like trying to make you smile," He pauses thoughtfully. "And because, even though we just met and even though you're a moody little emo kid, you're also really cute, and you're a nerd."

"...Why do you think I'm a nerd?"

He smirks. "You basically said so yourself when you admitted that you could've tested out of school."  
"That doesn't make me a nerd, it means I have nothing better to do then to sit around the library all day... When all you do is read, you tend to learn things."  
"Why do you always read? Why not go places with people? Or date?"

"Because _everyone_ is dying to spend time with _me_." I reply sarcastically. "And I _so _have people lined up to date me."

"Well, you can add one to that list." His reply makes me blush, and I just turn away, not sure how to answer. When he steps in front of me, moving closer just like he did earlier in his room, I force myself to look up and meet his eyes. I don't see fear, like most of the people in school have when I look at them, or annoyance like my parents, or anger like my brother. I don't see that bubbly happiness that Demyx and Sora have, but I see someone who teases, taunts, and would basically embarrass himself just to get a laugh, and someone who can be serious when he needs to be. Someone smarter than he seems.

And someone who is only inches away from me, and still getting closer. His eyes close, and his lips touch mine. My eyes fly open with both shock and- embarrassment? No, not exactly. Anxiety isn't the word either. Before I can figure it out, or even figure out how to respond, he's already pulled away and is awaiting my reaction.

I open my mouth to say something, but for once, I can't think of anything angry, mean, cold or sarcastic to say to save myself. I can't find the words to tell him how I feel, even if I could figure it out. All I know is that if I wasn't in the water I would've probably fallen down, because suddenly my legs are weak. "...Why...?" Is all I can manage, my face heating up. How embarrassing. This entire time, I've been cold, and mean to him. I've smiled all of twice, maybe three times, and otherwise I've been mean. Plain mean. So why would any _sane_ person kiss _m_e? Why?

"Why not?" He asks calmly, like everything hadn't just suddenly changed, and like he didn't just do what he did.

"Because... I- I'm _me_. I'm just 'that guy', the one that's mean to everyone, that has no friends and that spends all of his time in the library. Like you said, I'm just a nerd-"

"I didn't say you were _just_ a nerd, I said you _were_ a nerd. You're a lot of other things too."  
"Yeah, like mean, sarcastic, ugly, and a whole bunch of other things."  
"No you're not. Given, you're not the friendliest, but I don't think you intend to actually be 'mean'. Sarcasm is funny, and you're not ugly. You're really sexy, in a bite-me kind of way."

"Is that even a good thing?"

He laughs, and I let him push my hair back from my face. He meets my eyes, both of them now, and moves to kiss me again. I only know what to do from what I've read, which is entirely different from how it actually happens. I can't think of a single book, fiction or non, that anyone has kissed in a pool. Or two guys, in fact, because I don't know how that's supposed to work. The girl is always the startled one that doesn't know how to react- and I am _not_ a girl! For a second, I memorize what he's doing, then begin to kiss him back.

He seems surprised, but doesn't complain, placing his hands on my sides. When he touches me, I don't feel like I need to worry about it, like when other people do. I don't feel like his intentions are... Bad. I almost just feel like he's doing it just because he likes it.

Suddenly, as his hands begin to slide lower, I realize that people are staring. I shove him back, nearly sending him underwater. He stands up, surprise evident on his face. "What the-"  
"There are people here!" I hiss, and he smirks. "It isn't funny!"

"Actually, my friend, it is hilarious. Look around, everyone's making out." He jerks his head over to one corner, where two girls are- I blush hard, and look away. "See? Nobody cares."  
"_I_ care, actually." I mutter, frowning. "It can't get around that I'm..."  
"...Swinging for the same team?" I nod. "Right. So, wanna go somewhere more private?" He touches my hand, and I don't reply. "We don't have to, I'm not-"  
"L- Like where?"

"Like, back to the car, or in the bathrooms- which here, aren't actually that bad," He adds at my look of disgust. "Or we could go back to my house." He isn't just asking about kissing anymore, is he? It's not even a question, he's just not. He seems to notice the sudden awkwardness in my silence, and he grins, raising an eyebrow. "Unless you want to just make out."  
"I- I've never even..." I stammer, trying to get the words out. How embarrassing. "That was my first kiss." I finally manage, blushing harder and keeping my eyes down.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know-"  
"Don't be sorry. It's just easier to say that then to answer your question."  
"Ooh," He smirks. "So you do wanna make out?" He says, and I just shrug. "Well, come with me."

He pushes himself out of the pool, and helps me out as well. Pulling me by the hand, he leads me behind the bathrooms, to a grassy area. The moon is up already, and the sky is littered with stars.

He smiles softly, his eyes glowing even in the dark. "Nobody can see back here, okay?"

"...Okay..." I let him guide me, so that my back is against the wall. He tilts my head back and kisses me again, slowly this time. One hand rests on the side of my face and the other on my waist. He's warm, everything about his is warm despite the fact that he just got out of the pool. I can't believe I didn't notice before, but he smells... Unique. It's very subtle, but he smells like... Burning leaves. I like it. I like him, somehow. He makes it harder to think, and harder to be cynical, but I like him because he's warm. And he smells good. And, though it doesn't seem like it, he's not as dumb as most of his friends are, and he's funny when he tries to be.

I return the kiss, best I can, and try not to think about his fingers sliding up the front of my- his- shirt, and under the tank top. He licks my lower lip, and I've read enough romance (as a last resort, of course) to know that he's doing, and I part my lips hesitantly. He explores my mouth, gently and slowly, until I begin to return the favor and he seems to grow fiery.

His hand leaves my face, moving to my lower back, and he pulls me flush against himself. His other hand slowly makes it's way to my chest, but just rests there, not doing anything more. He pulls back so that both of us can breathe, but quickly returns to the way we were before, in a battle for dominance. I'm not sure what to do with my hands, and I guess he can tell because his hand leaves my back and his fingers curl around my wrist, guiding it to his neck. I hesitantly wrap that arm around his neck, which makes it a hell of a lot easier to reach him in order to kiss him.

After a while longer of this, I'm really glad that I'm leaning against the wall, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to stand. My legs are weak, and I feel sort of air-headed when he pulls away for air again. He's breathing hard, and after a few seconds I realize that I am as well. It's suddenly very hot, despite the coolness of the night.

"You want to ditch this place?" He breathes, and I shrug, feeling slightly disappointed when he pulls away. He keeps my hand in his as we cross the pool, and he calls goodbye to a few friends. I wave at Demyx, but otherwise ignore everyone. "I know it's really soon," He says as we drive down the road, windows down. I don't even bother to fix my hair. "But I have to ask you something."  
"Yes, a thousand times yes. We should have the wedding in early June." I reply tonelessly. When he chuckles, I smile shyly at him.

"That's thinking a bit far ahead, but my actual question was, would you officially be my boyfriend?"

My eyes widen and my smile fades. Oh... I actually want to say yes. I really, really do. But... Saix... If he finds out...

"Should I take that as I no?"

"No!" I reply, way too quickly. I lower my voice. "No, not no, but..." I flinch slightly as I think about what he'd say, what he'd do if he found out. He already hits me, every day. Every single day. Today will probably be worse because he hasn't had the chance yet. He's so ignorant, I'm afraid of what he'd do to me.

"If you need to think about it, that's fine." He says, though he sounds somewhat disappointed. I'm not used to this- not used to anyone caring what I think, or caring what anyone else thinks. It's easier to not care, it makes it hurt less when they try to hurt you. And they always do. "I don't want to push you into anything."

I lean my head against the cool window, trying to think of a way to explain. "I can't let certain people find out that I'm- That I 'swing for the same team'." I state slowly, trying to be careful with my wording so he doesn't think I don't want to be seen with him or something like that. "If they did, the consequences would be very bad, for me, and maybe for you." Who knows what Saix is capable of?

"Does this have anything to do with the bruise on your arm?"

"No." I say quickly, then sigh. He could probably tell that I'm lying anyway. "Yes, it does."

"Is it your parents?"

"No."  
"Then who-"  
"It doesn't matter." I reply, undoing my seatbelt when he pulls into his driveway. I change back into my clothes and find him in the kitchen, about to pour two cups of coffee. "I don't want any, thank you. I've got to go home."  
"You can't stay?" He asks, sounding disappointed. Because everyone is dying for my company.

I shake my head. "I should have been home hours ago."  
"Oh, you won't be in trouble will you?" He asks, and I shrug.

"It's fine." Lie. "Thank you for... For today." I say, keeping my eyes low.

"Thank _you_ for coming." He smiles. "Can I walk you home? It's not far." Why would he want to?

"Sure. I'm afraid you can't come inside, my parents..." I drift off, not even sure what excuse to use. He can't come inside because of Saix, otherwise I'd let him.

"It's fine."

We leave, and as we walk in the night, side by side, his fingers keep brushing mine. I think he's doing it on purpose, and finally, I bite my lip and just curl my fingers through his. He seems pleased, but doesn't say anything. Beyond our footsteps, it's nearly silent. The occasional car drives by, and a few crickets chirp. Otherwise, nothing.

We're nearly to my house before either of us say anything, and it so happens to be me. "I'm sorry for having been so..."  
"Anti-social?"

"Yeah." I roll my eyes. "That works."

"It's okay, short-stuff. You came around, didn't you?" He squeezes my hand, and I blush, turning my face away. "Hey, when is your birthday?"

"Monday. Why?"

"I'm going to ask you again on Monday."  
"Ask me-"  
"If you'll be my boyfriend."

"Oh..."

He stops in front of my door, dropping my hand. "I really like you, Zexion."

* * *

A/N: Cliff-hanger, maybe? I don'tknow if it qualifies as onne. Whatever! Review, please! 3 For every review I get, I'll make my baby sister laugh until she gets the hiccups.

Dis: I don't own Kingdom hearts. I've never even played the games (I have no system to play them on), I'm just madly in love with certain characters.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Warning, physical abuse starts here. I don't know if it's considered graphic, but it's here anyway. And a lot of the use of 'fuck'. A LOT of it.

* * *

I refuse to meet his eyes. "...Yeah... I like you too."

He kisses me on the lips softly, and grins when my face heats up. "You're really cute. Can I have your number?" Before I can answer, he adds, "If you say no, I'll get it from Dem and call you anyway."  
"How does he have my number?" I demand, crossing my arms.

"I don't know, take it up with him, but he's got it. Can I have it?" He pulls out his phone when I nod, and hands it to me. I enter my name and number, and save it before giving it back. "Can you text?"

"Can't everyone?" I reply.

He's about to say something when the door swings open, startling us both into silence. It's Saix. "What the fuck is this?"

"I'll talk to you later, Axel." I say hurriedly, trying to tell him to leave.

"I told you to come straight home after school, didn't I?" Saix demands, and I shrug, not sure how to respond. I'm never sure with him, because I'm always wrong. He's the one person I never feel in control of, other than Axel today, but that was... Pleasant, especially compared to this. "Answer me?"

"It was my fault," Axel steps in, and I can't help but flinch as he lays a hand on my shoulder. I suddenly feel jumpy. "I needed him to help me study, and-"  
"Who the fuck are you?" Saix cuts him off, but doesn't give him time to reply. "Get the fuck out."

I cry out in pain when his fingers curl tightly around my wrist, and he jerks me forward into the house. I pull away and turn to Axel, who looks like he's about to come inside. "Go home." I command, and he opens his mouth to object, but I shake my head. "Just go."

"Zex-"  
"You heard him, bony-ass dick. Get the fuck out." Saix slams the door, and locks it, then whips around and hits me hard across the face. I catch myself before I fall, biting my tongue to keep any tears from falling. That stings like hell. "Who the hell was that?"

"He- He's my friend." I state, the words feeling unfamiliar coming from me. A friend. Maybe more than that. "I was helping him study-"  
"I don't give a shit what you were doing! I told you to be home after school!" He curls his fist into my hair and drags me through the house, shoving me hard into the kitchen counter. A cry of pain escapes my lips, but otherwise, I remain silent as I hold the side that slammed into the counter. "You _never_ go anywhere after school!" Again, he pulls me by my hair and throws me to the floor.

"Just leave me alone!" I scream, flinching as he steps towards me. "I'm moving out on Tuesday, why not just leave me alone until them?!"

"You're not fucking leaving! I'll kill you first!" He takes a knife, one of the carving ones, from the holder beside the sink and points it at me. "That dick probably just wants to fuck you. He was gay as hell, dipshit. Nobody would be _your_ friend!"

"Shut the fuck up! He-" I could argue, but then again, I don't even know Axel. And taking Demyx' word for something is like taking a crayon and calling it an apple; it's stupid. "You don't know anything about him."  
"I know that anyone who would want to be around _you_ is either an idiot or wants to hurt you. You're worthless, a nobody, you don't _deserve_ friends." He throws the knife at me, but it misses by a lot and clatters across the floor. "You should fucking die, go kill yourself." He states, curling his lip in disgust as he looks at me. "Nobody wants you here, you just fuck everything up. It's all your fault that dad changed."  
I don't bother to argue, don't bother to reply. I just sit there, waiting for him to be done. It's been like this since I turned five. On my birthday, dad lost his job, and mom and him started fighting while he tried to find a new one. Saix is supposed to be on anti-psychotics, but he doesn't take him and his anger-issues are through the roof, constantly. And because all of this started on my birthday, somehow the moron decided it was my fault.

Dad starting drinking, and he's usually at the bar while mom is out 'working'. When they're both home, they fight, or fight with Saix. They've given up on fighting with me because I use logic, and they use anger, successfully winning out any fights they try to start. So basically, Saix gets the hell they can't throw at me. But it's not _my_ fault he's too stupid to do anything but scream back at them, right?

"Stupid piece of shit- you should fucking kill yourself right now!" I watch him cross the room and pick up the knife. He comes back, jerking me up by my wrist and shoving the knife's handle into my hand. I take it, because if I don't, he'd likely stab me with it. "Do it, stupid emo prick."

When he lets go, I consider my options. I've got the knife, I could stab him- or I could do as he says and just kill myself here and now. Slit my wrist open and bleed to death on the kitchen floor. He'd tell them he tried to stop me, he did all he could, but it was too late, I'd already done it. I pull up the sleeve of the arm not holding the knife, and stare at my pale skin.  
I could do it, so easily. He wouldn't have me around to take his frustrations out on. He'd be alone in his misery, the misery he let consume him, without an outlet; me. I should do it... I touch the blade to my skin.

Suddenly, I jump as my phone vibrates in my pocket, and the knife falls to the floor. I run before Saix can do anything, and lock myself in my room, ignoring the pounding and screaming that follows. I pull my phone out and flip it open. It's a text from Axel.

_Hey, it's me, the fire in your fireplace!_

I can't help but grin, but it quickly fades. It stings to smile. My lip must be cut. And my ribs are throbbing with pain as well.

I almost killed myself in there, just now. And Axel, without even realizing it, stopped me.

_Hey. What's with the fire thing?_

He replies; _Oh. I just lit my fireplace._

I roll my eyes. _Haha._

_So what happened after I left? Was that your brother?_

_Yeah, it was. And nothing, I went to my room. _What a lie.

_Oh. Why was he so pissed? Because he jealous of you?_

_Why would he be jealous?_

_Because YOU got to hang out with me, and he didn't. _;_P_

…

_So why was he pissed?_

_Because I was supposed to come straight home after school._

_Why? You have a life._

_Because he's a jackass._

_Is he the one that can't know about you?_

_*Shrug*_

_Haha, very funny. I take that to mean yes. Why can't he know?_

_Because he's an idiot. I'll tell you some other time._

_So does that mean you'll hang out again?_

_Yeah._

_Can I take you out on Monday?_

_Why?_

_Birthday._

_That's stupid. Don't worry about it._

_I WANT to. Can I? (I'm going to anyway.) _I smile at the last part, because I think he's actually serious.

_Okay. Where?_

_Where do you like to go?_

_You could teach me how to swim- _ I stop, and erase that. _Anywhere is fine._

_Then I'll surprise you. ;)_

_Oh my god..._

_xD Calm down, I was joking._

We text back and forth for a while longer, and finally, I tell him that I'm going to bed. I change into my pajamas (black boxers and a black t-shirt) and turn the lights off before climbing into bed.

…

I drag myself out of bed and get dressed, black jeans, black tank-top, and black hood, which, after combing my hair back over my face, I pull over my head. I look into the mirror on my door. My lip was busted, and now it's scabbed over. Ugh. I can't smile or even frown without it cracking apart.

I pull up my shirt, seeing both the faint scars leftover from when I used to cut there, smaller bruise on my cheek, and a dark, ugly bruise on my ribs where I hit the counter last night. Ugh... More to keep hidden.

I move to my dresser and dig out the concealer I stole from my mom, then go back to the mirror and begin to cover the bruise on my cheek. It's mostly hidden now. After I hide the concealer away again, I cautiously and silently leave my bedroom, tucking my phone into my pocket. I don't see or hear Saix anywhere, so I go to the kitchen and pour a glass of water. I take a pain-killer, and drain the glass, then leave the house.

As I pass Axel's house, I consider asking him if he'd like to go to the library with me, but in the end I decide he doesn't need to see me until my lip heals. I don't need any questions, because he's smart enough to see through my lies.

When I finally reach the library, I'm happy to find it nearly empty. I go to my favorite section- fantasy- and choose a random book from the shelf that I know I haven't read before. Then I sit right in the middle of the aisle, like I usually do, and read. I've been here for a few hours, having read quiet a few books by this point, when my phone buzzes.

_Hey, guess where I am?_ It's Axel.

_No. Where are you?_

_You're no fun. :'(_

_Fine, are you in having dinner with Jim Carry? No? Okay, so tell me._

_:P Turn around._ I do, confused- and nearly have a heart-attack when I come face to face with emerald green eyes and insanely red hair.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demand, glaring angrily. I don't appreciate him scaring me like that on purpose.

He feigns a pout, crossing his long legs as he sits down on front of me. "You're not happy to see me?"

"You purposely scared me half to death."  
"I didn't expect you to have a crap attack." He smirks. "Now I know you scare easily."I roll my eyes, then return my gaze to my book. It isn't long, however, until he takes it from my hands, closing it and reading the back. "Hm, never read it. I don't read much. Is it good?" He asks, the smallest trace of amusement in his eyes. He's doing this to get on my nerves, and it's working.

"I was in the middle of a sentence!" I exclaim, taking the book away from him.

"I _had_ something to tell you, but now I don't think I will." He says teasingly, and I flip through the pages of my book.

I keep my tone neutral. "Good for you."

He heaves a sigh of annoyance, standing up. I ignore him, until he kneels down behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder and pretends to read- but actually purposely irritates me- and I shut the book, stand up, put it away and leave him.

"Wait wait wait, please don't go. I really did want to tell you something." He pleads, wrapping his arms around me from behind, and putting pressure on my ribs. I cry out, but muffle it in my hand and pull away. Shit... I must have cracked a rib. "Zexy, what's-"  
"Nothing." I insist, holding my side gingerly. "I fell getting out of the shower, and bruised my side."

"You are a terrible liar." He says. Suddenly, he takes my hand and pulls me through the library. We get a few funny looks, but nobody says anything as he gently shoves me into the bathroom, and locks the door behind us. "There's a bruise on your face, too, and your lip is cut." He traces his thumb over my bottom lip, and I turn away.

"It's fine, I'm fine, just drop it."  
"Let me see your side."

"No. Let me out, really, Axel, this isn't-"

"Let me see, or I'll embarrass you until you do."

"We're locked in a bathroom, would could you-"  
"Oh, my god, ZEXY!" He yells, smirking at my expression. "Ah! Do it again-" I hit him. Hard, on the shoulder, effectively silencing him.

"We are in a _public_ place! Do you know how often I come here? All the time. I swear, if you get me kicked out of here-"  
"I'll do it again unless you show me."

I groan, but do as he says anyway, stripping myself of the hood and lifting my tank top, revealing the bruise. I glance at my reflection, and gasp silently. It's worse now then it was this morning. I definitely cracked something. Maybe even broke a rib or two. Shit.

"What the fuck, Zexion? What happened? And don't give me that shit about falling or something. Was it your brother?" I shrug, staring at the dark bruise. "Jesus, Zexy, why-"

"It's a long story," I lower my shirt, and pull my hood back on. "And it doesn't matter. It's only two more days, and I'm free to leave, so please don't say anything to anyone."

"What did he even do to cause _that_?"

"He shoved me-" More like threw me. "-and I fell against the counter." I shrug. "It's not a big deal-"  
"Yes it _is_!" He exclaims, disbelief written over his expression. "You've got to go to the hospital to get it checked out."  
"I can't."

"Zexion-"  
"It's _my_ life, not yours, and it has nothing to do with _you_ so stop it! Let me out of here, right now!"

He looks stubborn for a while, and finally shakes his head and unlocks the door. I watch him leave without a word, and when he's gone, I can't help feel like I just ruined the only good thing in my life right now. I spend the rest of the day in the library, going between either writing or writing out texts to Axel that I don't send.

When I go home, it's dark outside, Saix is still out and mom and dad are screaming at each other in the kitchen. I change, and turn out the lights, and turn on my radio to drown out their words of anger as I fall asleep.

…

After turning off my radio, getting dressed, getting a cup of coffee and avoiding Saix, I spend another day in the library. And another day without speaking to Axel. I can't bring myself to text him, and for that, I'm starting to hate myself.

When I get home that night, Saix is sitting in the living room, and my parents are waiting for me. I consider ignoring them, but decide against it in the end. Regardless of what I do, I'll still hear what they have to say in the end, either by choice or by force.

"What?" I demand, crossing my arms as I face them.

Dad is the first to speak. "Saix told us you've been getting into street fights." He states.

I glance at Saix in surprise. "No I haven't."

"Then what happened to your lip," Mom asks, placing one hand on her hip. "And your cheek? And why are you holding your side?"

I drop my hands to my sides. I didn't even realize I was. Anger suddenly flashes through me as Saix smirks. He wants me to get hell, for the things he caused? No. No. "It was Saix." I state, and his smirk turns into an expression of rage and shock, and maybe even fear. "He's been beating the shit out of me every day after school since I was five, because dad lost his job on my birthday and you and him started fighting. If you have a problem with me getting beat up, take it up with him." I stride past them, taking their stunned silence as my escape.

I lock myself in my room and pull out my phone, falling back onto my bed as screaming begins in the other room.

_Are we still on for tomorrow?_ I type out. I'm about to erase it, but decide to suck it up and send it instead.

A few minutes later, I get his reply; _Sure. Right after school, meet me in front._

_Okay._

He never replies, so I turn on my radio, and close my eyes, trying to fall asleep.

…

* * *

Disclaimer: I didn't own KH the last three chapters, I'm not going to just suddenly magically own it now. :3

A/N: OHEHMGEE, Saix is NOT going to be pleased. And what about Axel? Is he still mad? Duhnduhn-DUHN~ Find out whenever I get off my lazy butt!

PLEASE review, even if you don't like it, please just let me know why and I'll try to fix it.


	5. Chapter 5

A lot more violence in this one. I had to kind of push myself to finish this chapter, because after the very next one I'm out of ideas of where to go with this. So, if you like, reviews would be wonderful. Thank you.

* * *

I'm woken up when I'm suddenly pulled out of bed. I hit the ground hard, unable to breathe as pain shoots through my side. "What the fuck...?" I open my eyes slowly, and look around. Saix, looking more furious then I've ever seen him, is standing in my room. My door has been kicked open. The lock is broken, too. Shit.

"Do you know what they're fucking doing?" He kicks me, and I feel a crack in my ribs. If it wasn't broken before, it is now. I hold back a scream. "They're kicking me out, you son of a bitch!" He rears back to kick me again, but I roll out of the way and jump to my feet. School, school. I'm wearing the same thing from yesterday, but it's not pajamas, at least. I shove by him and grab my backpack from the floor beside the door, and run down the hall.

Before I can reach the front door, he catches me by the arm and shoves me to the floor. I try to kick him, but he dodges it and begins dragging me down the hallway by arm arm. He opens the door between our two bedrooms- the door to the basement- and kicks me hard, sending me down the steps.

He doesn't follow, though, instead closing the door and leaving me in mostly darkness. The only lights comes from the small, glass window that's half-covered by our overgrown grass. I try to sit up, but I can't. Everything aches. The most I manage to do is roll onto my back, and even that made me see stars.

Shit. I think it shattered my arm, and definitely dislocated my shoulder. Other then those, and my ribs, it's just cuts and bruises. I use my good arm to pull my phone from my pocket, and open it.

And of course I have no signal, you know, of _course_. I am in a basement. I hold the phone in my teeth and force myself up with my good arm, holding back cries of pain as I do.

I lean back against the wall, slowly bringing my knees to my chest.

Axel's going to think I stood him up. This isn't the first time I've been locked down here by Saix, he always lets me out after school hours, but I don't want Axel to think I stood him up. Shit. I do my best to ignore the pain in my side as I push myself up, and- using the wall for support- make my way to the window. I hold my phone up there, hoping for a signal, but there isn't one.

I wonder if I could fit through the window? For once, being small might have it's advantages. I've read enough health books by this point to know how to put my shoulder back into place, and I do (biting my tongue to keep from screaming) but that doesn't change the fact that it's broken. I think it's my wrist that's broken, actually.

I look around the dark room and see a shovel, back in the far corner. I make my way over there, and bring it back to the window. It takes a few hits, but I shatter the thin glass and, using one arm, I hoist myself up. I manage to crawl all the way through, and by the time I'm outside, everything hurts about ten times worse. I see Demyx, waving at his parents before starting down his walkway.

"Demyx!" I manage to call, but he doesn't hear me. I force myself to sit up. "Demyx!"

This time, he pauses and looks around.

"Dem, over here!" He looks around again, and this time when he sees me, he hurries to my side.

…

"You took my shirt, shoes, and you won't even let me brush my hair!" I yell at the young, blond nurse angrily. "The least you could do is let me use my phone!"

I've been here for hours, school's almost out and I haven't had the chance to call Axel since Demyx brought me to the hospital. Demyx looks apologetically at the nurse, and holds me back as I try to leave the bed. Everything in here is sickeningly white.

"I- I'm sorry, but-" She begins, but I shake my head, silencing her.

"I have to make a phone call!"

"It's not up to me, it's up to the doctor. I'm sorry," I've never seen anyone leave a room so fast without running. I feel a pang of guilt, but brush it off. She's being unreasonable.

"You didn't need to yell at her." Demyx says, letting go of me and sitting down in the chair beside the bed. "It's not her fault."

"Are you _sure_ you don't have his number?" I demand, examining the bandages on my arm. They did an x-ray on it, and it turns out it's just a sprain. Hurts like hell, though. I did break a rib, so they did whatever they do and wrapped it up tightly. It hurts if I breathe in too deeply, but I can handle that. It wasn't bad, so it should heal in a month or so.

They sanitized any cuts, and checked out any bruises, but I'm alright. I told them, as well as Demyx, that I fell down the basement stairs. Unlike Axel, they bought the lame excuse.

"No, I asked him for it the other day and he said no because he knows I'd blow up his phone all the time, which was mean because I only call when I really have something important to say, or when I'm bored, and-" I drown him out, carefully laying back on the bed.

This place is irritating. I've only been a couple of times, but every time I come here it seems to get more and more ridiculous. The doctor comes in, reading over a clipboard.

"Hello, Mr. Ienzo, It says here that you fell down a flight of stairs?"

"Yes."

"I see." What an idiot. "Well, you're all patched-up. I'm going to schedule a check-up every week to make sure your ribs are healing up alright, and after a few of those if it looks okay, I might schedule a few more, and then you'll be done." He gives me instructions on taking care of my wrist, and prescribes a pain-killer. He says he called it in, and I can pick it up at a pharmacy not far from here.

Then, _finally, _he gives back my clothes and phone. After I get dressed and fix my hair, I check the time. It's after 3:30! Shit. I call Axel, and raise the phone to my ear, looking into the bathroom mirror.

I look like crap.

After so many rings, I'm about to hang up, but he finally answers. "Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey. Why weren't you at school today? Sick?"

"I'm at the hospital, but I'm not sick. Demyx is here, too."  
"Wait, what happened?" I can hear a note of panic in his voice. "Why are you both there?"

"He was my ride. I fell down the basement stairs, and he drove me to the hospital." There's a long silence on his side. "Do I really need to explain what really happened?"

"Not yet. You'll tell me later." He says firmly, and I don't bother arguing. "I'm coming to get you, tell Dem he can go home."  
"You can't tell me what to do," I say, just to get on his nerves. "Demyx and I were planning on moving in here."

I can hear his grin when he replies. "Can't even turn off the sarcasm while you're at the hospital, eh, short-stuff?"

"Where's the fun in that?" I smile, just a little, and lean back against the wall. "Are we still... Are you still-"  
"We're still going out, if you want." A pause. I can hear him closing a car door, and starting it up. "I've got to go, I'm on the road. I'll be there soon." He hangs up before I can say anything, and I roll my eyes as I put my phone away.

When I leave the bathroom, Demyx is sitting on the bed, bouncing up and down. "This bed isn't as fun as the one at my house, it doesn't bounce as high."  
"That's nice." I reply, controlling the urge to roll my eyes. "Thank you for bringing me here, but I'm alright. Someone's coming to pick me up, so you can go."  
"Is it Axel? Are you two dating yet? Do you like him? Have you kissed yet?"

"Yes, it's Axel. The rest is none of your business. Goodbye."

He throws his arms around my neck in a hug, and this time I actually do roll my eyes. "I'll call you later, see ya, Zex!" I watch him leave, and then it hits me.

I start after him, but he's already gone. How the hell did he get my number?

I wait around near the entrance until I see flaming red spikes in the parking lot, at which point I go out to meet him.

"Zexy," He grabs my shoulders and kisses me suddenly, full-force on the lips. When he pulls back, he looks angry. "What happened?"

I blink, startled by the sudden kiss, followed by his unexpected reaction. "...I told my parents about Saix." I state, and realization hits him full-force.

"Oh my god, Zexy, what the fuck did he do?" He looks me over, his eyes stopping on my wrist.

"He threw me down the stairs and locked me in the basement. I climbed out the window, and Demyx was leaving for school, so I got his attention and he brought me here."

"Jesus..."

"I sprained my wrist, and one rib is broken. Otherwise I'm fine, so don't worry about it." He looks like he's about to object, so I change the subject. "Where are we going?"

He gives me a look to tell me that we'll talk about it later, but drops it for the moment. "I was gonna lock you in a basement, but I guess you already did that today." He says, and I can't help but smile in amusement. "You like ice cream, right?"

How cliché. "Sure." And kind of... Sweet- in a mushy way.

"Then that's what we're doing."

…

He drives to an ice cream shop down by the beach, so close to the water that you have to walk on the sand to reach it. There are a few tables inside, but it's empty other than the cashier.

Axel gets a sea-salt flavor, and I get _Superman_, and we sit down to eat.

"So, happy birthday." He smiles softly, and I manage a smile back. Every time I smile, he looks triumphant, like it's a goal he's trying to accomplish.

I haven't heard happy birthday since I was five, it's funny. I doubt at this point anyone at my house even knows it's my birthday, and I'm fine with that. Saix especially, if he remembered, it probably would have been worse today. "Thank you."  
"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."  
"You go through a lot of crap, right?" I shrug in reply. "So, are you depressed?"

"Not really."

"Are you happy?"

"Not really."  
"So, what are you?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm human."

"Haha. What are you, emotionally?"

"Men don't ask questions like that,"  
"Gay ones do. Or at least _I_ do. So, answer my question."  
"I'm just used to it, I guess. I don't care one way or the other, I just live."

"You never get lonely, pushing everyone away like you do?"

"I'm used to the loneliness." I shrug again. "It's not really a big deal to me."  
"Well, it should be. Zexy, you're actually a really amazing person to be able to handle shit like this and not be suicidal."

"I'm logical; Why would I be suicidal, when I knew I would be free eventually?"

"It's that logic that most people don't have."

"Are you depressed?"

"No, but I used to be. Back when I was living with my parents, but it wasn't anything like with you and your brother." He pauses, thinking. "Where are you moving to?"

"Somewhere." I half-smile. "I'll tell you when I find it."

"So, you're just homeless, then?"

"Not really. I just don't know where I'm staying yet. I've saved a lot of money so I can get a motel for now."

"Why don't you move in with me?" He asks, and I roll my eyes. "No, I'm serious. Why not?"

"One, we're still basically strangers. Two, that would be really, really fast. Three, I'm not pleasant to be around, and living with me would mean you couldn't get away from me without leaving home. Should I go on?"

"One, who cares if we're strangers? Two, living together isn't fucking. Three, you are pleasant to be around. Should I go on?" He asks, mimicking me. "Unless you just don't want to live with _me_ in which case you should just say so."

"That's not it." I sigh. Eventually, he would get tired of my constant sarcasm and unwillingness to be around people. He's the opposite of me, he likes people, parties, groups. I like quiet, being alone and I'm anti-social even when I am around people. In the end, he wouldn't like me as much if we were living together.  
"I really like you, Zexy, and I want you to move in with me. We can go back to your house and get your crap. I'll go with you if you want."  
Why would he go with me? "I can get it myself, you don't need to go."  
"What about Saix?"

"I don't want him to hurt you."

"Please, the guy is scrawny as fuck compared to me."

"I guess so."

After we finish the ice cream, he takes me back to my house. When we go inside, Saix isn't even there, but the basement door is open so I'm assuming he realized I got out. He probably thinks I'm reporting him. I probably should, but honestly, I don't care. I'm leaving, so it isn't like he can do anything else, right?

Axel follows me to my bedroom, where I begin filling my old backpack with clothes, as well as my school one with books. He sits down on the edge of my bed, watching me.

"I still don't think I should move in with you." I state, zipping up the bags. That's everything, I don't have much. A couple of jeans, some shirts, two uniforms and underwear. And some tank tops. "You'll eventually regret it."

"I will not." He takes my good hand and pulls me over to him.

"If you did, what would you do?"

"Kick your ass onto the streets." He replies, grinning. "I'd probably find you some other place to go, but I won't regret it."

"If you say so." I reply doubtfully.

He pulls me closer, and touches our lips together. He pulls back. "Why wouldn't you let me touch you before?"

"I don't like people invading my personal space." I state, blushing slightly.

"You're letting me now," Is he worried that I don't like it? "Why?"

"Don't ask questions like that." I scowl.

"You really don't mind, though, right?"

"If I did, I'd have hit you by this point." I state, and he grins and brings me closer to himself.

He kisses me again, slowly and softly. I'm never sure what to do with myself when he does this, but mimic his actions somewhat. His hands go everywhere, from my face to my shoulders to my back, but careful to avoid my sides. Even my waist, and hips. One hand up the front of my shirt. He pulls me closer, into his lap so that my legs are on either side of him. His fingers barely glide over the bandages wrapped around my ribs, and his hand stops on the center of my chest. Why? He's done this before, but why?

His free hand takes mine in it's own, and our fingers curl together. I hesitantly and carefully wrap the other arm around his neck, bringing us closer. His tongue exploring my mouth, his touch, everything... It's starting to become too much. He's too close, and while I like _him_ and don't believe he'll hurt me, the closeness, and the... Feelings, everything is just threatening to pour out.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own KH.

A/N: It might seem like, 'OH my GOSH ZEXY is a MARYSUE because nothing bothers him!' Well, that's not how it is. :P If the message wasn't clear (and it was supposed to be by this point) he suppresses EVERYTHING, and doesn't often know what exactly he's feeling. Yeah. REVIEW if you want me to continue, otherwise I'ma quit because i"m out of ideas. (No offense, but not Mushrooms! xD)


	6. Chapter 6

You know something? Every single one of these chapters is saved on my laptop as, 'CHAPTER 1 FUCKING PUBLISH', 'CHAPTER 2 FUCKING PUBLISH', etc etc. C: Just thought I'd let you guys know.

I. DO. NOT. OWN.

* * *

I pull back, both of us breathing hard and fast. "I-" I early fling myself off of him, trying to ignore the look of startled hurt on his face. "I'm sorry..."

"Did I hurt you? What's wrong?" He stands up, stepping towards me, but when I step back and shake my head he looks more hurt and more confused.

"No, I- I'm staying at a motel. I'm sorry, I just can't-" I stop, not sure how to explain what I mean.

"Did I do something? Zexion-"  
"No!" He reaches to touch me, but I hit his hand away. Guilt immediately hits me full-force, but I push it away. "Don't! I mean it, Axel."

"Why? Zexy-"  
"It's Zexion. And stop asking so many questions!" I feel the start of a migraine starting. "You need to leave." He opens his mouth to argue, but I cut him off. "Right now. I'll take the bus to a motel until I find another place to live. Just get out."

…

As I sit on the edge of the unfamiliar, probably unsanitary double bed, I read through my new texts. All from Axel...

_What was that about?_

_Seriously, did I do something?_

_Please reply._

_Will you be at school tomorrow?_

_ZEXION_

_Talk to me, please?_

I turn my phone off and toss it on the nightstand. I've got a few thousand saved up, because I've been saving since I was 8 and I've had several jobs over the years. I could stay here for a few months, or I can find a job and get an apartment.

I do all I can to think about everything but Axel, but for some reason, he seems to be all I can think about. There's only a few more days of school before it's out for the summer, if I just skipped the last few days it would look bad on my record and I'd never get into college... I just don't want to run into Axel.

There's no way for me to explain why don't want to see him anymore, because I don't even know. I still like him, he's the only person aside from Demyx that I bother to tolerate, and with Axel it's not just that, it's _wanting_ to spend time with him. I _want_ him to be near me, to kiss me and touch me, but when he actually _does... _I don't even know how to explain it. It's like something building up, and I'll lose it. I wish I knew why.

I sigh, and turn my phone back on, laying across the bed on my stomach. I've gotten another message and a missed call, both from Axel.

_I need to talk to you, please pick up._

No voicemail. I consider my options for a while, and finally just suck it up and call him back. He picks up after half a ring.

"Hello? Zexion?" His tone is panicked. Why does he care so much? "Where are you?"

"I'm at the motel, what's wrong?"

"You flipped out suddenly and made me leave! I'm sorry, for whatever I did, I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything."  
"Then what is it? Why-"

"Axel... It's better if we don't talk anymore. If you text me or call me again, I'll change my number. I'm not telling you or Demyx where I'm staying." I feel almost numb as I say these words, and there's a painful lump in my throat, but I'm not sure why. "Don't bother talking to me at school, either."

"...Zexy, please, what did I do? Why-" I hang up, feeling guiltier than ever.

For the next two days, during school, he doesn't talk to me. I catch him, Demyx and Roxas all looking at me over and over throughout the day, and Roxas has to keep stopping Demyx from coming over to me. Every time I meet Axel's eyes, I feel guiltier and my throat hurts more. There's a pressure in my stomach and in my head that gets worse every time I pass him on the way to class, see him in the lunchroom or brush him in the hallways.

He looks worse and worse, too. His hair seems messier, his eyes are darker and not as piercing. I swear he wore the same shirt twice in a row. And I know I don't look any better, I haven't even bothered to fix my hair over my face. I just wear a hood and keep it up.

After school today, I don't bother trying to make the bus (I have to take the bus to a street near the motel I'm staying in, and I walk from there). I go to the bathroom instead, and sink to the floor against the wall, in the shadows beside the sink. Axel's almost always near the bus stop, because he's been hanging out with Demyx a lot, and Demyx and Roxas take my bus. I can't handle seeing him today, I just can't.

I pull my knees up and bury my face in them. I'm sick of this, of just being here. Of not wanting to be near Axel, but wanting to be near him at the same time, and not knowing why I can't. The door swings open and three people walk in. They don't notice me.

A familiar voice, Roxas, I think, speaks first. "Maybe he's not gay."

Demyx shakes his head. "He's most definitely gay, in the library I would always see him in the romance and stuff, and not even the hotter stuff just the normal lovey mushy stuff that I like to read." Oh god, I have something in common with _Demyx_?

When Axel speaks, it's like my heart stops. His voice is so tired. "I don't know what happened. I really thought he was starting to like me."

Roxas touches his arm, and a flash of annoyance runs through me, but it quickly goes away. It's Roxas, not some girl, and he's with Demyx anyway. "I've seen him every day, and never known him to like anything besides books."  
"I know, and I know his reputation. I'm surprised he didn't get angrier when the first thing I did was make a short joke. Maybe I pissed him off, calling him short-stuff all the time."

"I doubt it," Demyx chimes in. "He would've thrown his book at you if he was really mad, that's what he did to me." Had that really been Dem? Am I that mean to everyone, where they just assume I'll become violent?

"Then why the hell did he tell me not to talk to him anymore?" Axel demands, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what to do anymore, school's almost out and I'm scared if I try to talk to him-"

"He wouldn't hit you." Roxas states. "Or he would have by now."

"Maybe he's in love with you and he's too scared to tell you, because he thinks you won't like him if you get to know him and so he just ended it before it got that far, and he probably doesn't even know why." Demyx says, and my eyes grow wide with surprise.

Axel rolls his eyes. "I doubt he's in love with me, Dem."

"Why?" I ask softly, standing up. Everyone looks at me in surprise. "You should check the bathroom before you start to talk about people. Why?" I repeat, looking only to Axel.

"Zexion, the last thing you said to me was that if I called you again you'd change your number. It's natural to assume you hated me." He's gotten over his initial surprise and now seems fairly angry. He throws his arms in the air. "You didn't give me a reason, and all I've been trying to do is help you!"

Roxas tugs on Demyx' arm, pulling him slowly towards the door and giving me a knowing look.

"What if Demyx is right?" I ask hesitantly.

He lowers his arms, looking surprised and doubtful. "Don't play around with me."  
"Is it that hard to believe?" I guess it is. Demyx.. What he said, it made so much sense. I haven't actually felt _like_ for a person since I was little. I didn't expect to start now, and certainly not... Love. But maybe I have, maybe... Roxas and Demyx leave. "I guess it is. I've really been a dick."

"Yeah, you have. Why?" He asks, seeming less angry now. But confused, and tired.

"I've never had a reason to not be angry, and to not keep everyone away from me." I state, keeping my eyes lowered. "I've never... I've never even cared about anyone enough to let them close to me, and then you _were_ close, closer then anyone had ever been."

"Why did you tell me to go away? I figured you didn't like me as much as you thought you did, or-"  
"I do," I reply quickly. "It's... If I don't like myself, and my brother doesn't like me, and my parents, and everyone else, why would _you_? And the chances of someone liking _me_ that's intelligent enough to have a conversation with, funny and that can see through other people's bullshit... The chances are very, extremely low." He doesn't say anything, so I go on. "Who's to say that once you get to know me-" My voice breaks, and for the first time in years, I feel tears stinging my eyes. I keep my head down so he won't see. "-That you won't hate me like everyone else?"

"Zexion... You've already done just about everything you can do. You've done everything but hit me, and obviously I'd still be here if you hadn't made me leave. You rejected me, insulted me, made it very clear that you had no interest in me whatsoever, and ignored me for days." He half-smiles. "If I was going to hate you, I'm sure I would by now."

Actually, he has a point. Apparently, he's a logical thinker, as well. "What if everything Demyx said is true?"

"Is it?"

"It might be." It makes sense. But I can't be sure, because I don't know what it feels like. "What does it... Feel like?"

"What, love?" He rolls his eyes. "You never read the dictionary?"

"I'm not asking for the definition, I'm asking what it feels like."

"It's like... Your heart beats faster when you see them... It tingles when they touch you, and you want to be around them. You always think about them, and you'd do anything for them. Even when you're going through hell, they're on your mind." I don't say anything, so he steps closer, cupping the side of my face in his hands. "Does it tingle when I touch you?" He whispers in my ear, and I bite my tongue to keep from replying. "Do you think about me all the time?" Maybe. "Do you want to be with me?" Kind of. "Your heart races when you're close to me. I've felt it." Is that what he was doing?

When Saix locked me in the basement, my first thought wasn't getting help, and it wasn't even getting out. It was that Axel would think I'd stood him up. My first thought _was_ Axel.

"Do you know how I know that?" He asks softly, looking me in the eyes. I shake my head no. "Because I love you."

At which point, I can't hold it back anymore. I throw my arms around his neck and hug him, standing on my toes, and the tears I'd been holding back silently pour. The pressure in my head and stomach, and the pain in my throat are gone, and right now being close to him is all that matters. I close my eyes when his hands rest one on my lower back, and the other on the back of my head.

_This_ is what I was afraid of. _This_ is why I made him leave that day, and why I wouldn't talk to him. Because I knew that at some point, I would end up losing it and falling apart. I haven't let anyone in, in a very, very long time because I haven't had a reason. Now, I have, and I _need_ this, and I _need_ him. If he leaves, if he hates me, I wouldn't go back to the way I was before. I'd actually _care_, and that scares me more then anything or anyone else ever could, because I didn't even know I _could_.

"If you ever leave me, Axel-"  
"I won't." He cuts me off, and I'm glad, because I don't even know what I was about to say. "I promise."

* * *

A/N: Aww, angst is my bestestestestest friend in writing. Besides my Mushrooms, of course. ^_^ Reviews are love, if yuo don't review, you obviously hate this story and don't wish for it to continue.


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